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libra season angsting
Sep. 3rd, 2024 11:28 pmyes, i know it's just barely september. AND YET.
my birthday is the first week of october. i have several friends/family members (younger sibling, baby cousin, two of my best friends) with birthdays within a week on either side. i also do not have a great history with birthday parties. i've had people ghost me and leave me with only one person attending, when i was turning 13 one of my friends broke her ankle at my party, i've gotten into bad fights with my parents, you name it. while i have had good individual birthdays my associations with my birthday as A Thing are pretty bad. however, for the first time in a couple of years, i have enough friends assembled--between work, choir, and my roommate and her friends who i'm friendly with--to try and throw something together. and it needs to be this year, because next year on my birthday i'll be out of town. yes, i know this already. it's barbershop quartet stuff they plan that shit five years in advance.
so. i have to figure out gifts for three people and figure out whether or not i'm close enough with the fourth to get him something. one of those gifts has to go in the mail. i have to plan around family stuff, which will inevitably happen, because we've got three cousins with birthdays in five days and my aunt's family and my teenage sibling and i all live relatively close together. i have to request at least one weekend off work from my job at the tourist trap (affectionate). and i have to play the cost benefit analysis of do i plan a powerpoint party? i have a cute house and a great roommate and it's a good space to entertain and this idea would be good for my very disparate groups of friends, BUT that risks nobody showing up and me being badly, badly embarrassed and sad.
i do love october. i like september just fine but i mostly spend it looking forward to october. i'm not having any kind of existential crisis about turning 24. but by god am i ready for this shit to be done............
my birthday is the first week of october. i have several friends/family members (younger sibling, baby cousin, two of my best friends) with birthdays within a week on either side. i also do not have a great history with birthday parties. i've had people ghost me and leave me with only one person attending, when i was turning 13 one of my friends broke her ankle at my party, i've gotten into bad fights with my parents, you name it. while i have had good individual birthdays my associations with my birthday as A Thing are pretty bad. however, for the first time in a couple of years, i have enough friends assembled--between work, choir, and my roommate and her friends who i'm friendly with--to try and throw something together. and it needs to be this year, because next year on my birthday i'll be out of town. yes, i know this already. it's barbershop quartet stuff they plan that shit five years in advance.
so. i have to figure out gifts for three people and figure out whether or not i'm close enough with the fourth to get him something. one of those gifts has to go in the mail. i have to plan around family stuff, which will inevitably happen, because we've got three cousins with birthdays in five days and my aunt's family and my teenage sibling and i all live relatively close together. i have to request at least one weekend off work from my job at the tourist trap (affectionate). and i have to play the cost benefit analysis of do i plan a powerpoint party? i have a cute house and a great roommate and it's a good space to entertain and this idea would be good for my very disparate groups of friends, BUT that risks nobody showing up and me being badly, badly embarrassed and sad.
i do love october. i like september just fine but i mostly spend it looking forward to october. i'm not having any kind of existential crisis about turning 24. but by god am i ready for this shit to be done............
